In this article, you will learn how to respond to nasty texts from your ex in a way that not only helps you, but also helps your ex in the long run.
When an ex suddenly tries to communicate with you through text, you may have this sudden urge to respond quickly. But deep down, you know that is not the right thing to do. After all, you are exes for a reason – or may be lots of reasons.
You should figure out why your ex is texting you. Try to understand that you can never be 100% sure about the intentions of your ex but you can be sure about your intentions. So, before anything else, you should take a deep breath, try to figure out the message behind the nasty texts, and figure out the best response possible.
Below are some boilerplate responses for when you get nasty texts from your ex:
1. “If you want me to answer any of your texts, remove the bad language and resend it to me.”
Your ex probably sent you slew, nasty words that you wish you did not read, but you can always understand why they are frustrated. Instead, try replying with this message because anger will get you both nowhere.
Do not respond right away to the nasty texts. Calm yourself first then proceed to inform your ex that you will only communicate if he or she removes any bad language written. This will give the message that you should be respected and that you deserve respect.
2. “I don’t want to fight.”
You can send this message if you want to have a civil conversation with your ex. Calmly let your ex know that you are in no mood to argue. Hopefully, this response will calm your ex so you both can proceed to have a civil conversation.
If you feel that the texting gets pointlessly aggressive after sending this reply, give yourself permission to simply not respond. This way, your ex will eventually get the clue that you really do not want to fight.
3. “Please leave me alone.”
Sometimes this kind of response just has to be said. You must set clear boundaries with your ex. Make sure you are crystal clear if you do not want any form of communication with them. You can do this especially when you don’t have children together. Clarify that you don’t appreciate all the nasty texts and you want them to stop sending those to you.
You can also send this message and add “Stop texting me or I’ll contact the police.”
4. “I’m sorry that you feel that way.”
A calm response might just be what your ex needs to make them stop texting you nasty things. If your ex sends you a message about why they are mad at you, take a deep breath and then send the reply “I’m sorry you feel that way.” If you put yourself in your ex’s situation, you can understand why he or she is going through a lot too. This kind of passive aggressive response can let them know you read their message but you do not want to comment about it anymore or that there is no point on dwelling in the topic anymore.
5. “Get professional help. I’m not the one you need to talk with.”
If after reading between the lines, you think that your ex needs professional help and it makes you worried, let your ex know. Anger and anxiety can be a sign of depression or some other serious mental condition. Let your ex know that you are genuinely concerned and that you are not the one who can help.
Below are some additional tips:
1. Pause and think before responding
The best strategy is to pause and think before responding to the texts from your ex. Taking the time to pause is means allowing yourself some time for self-reflection. This will also allow for a more thoughtful assessment of the how to respond rather than just be impulsively reactive. When you take your time to respond, you will be able to consider your boundaries in regard to communicating with your ex.
2. Don’t use a third party to respond to nasty texts
Involving a third party who is on your side will only get things worse. Your family or friend might want to defend you from all the nasty texts your ex is sending you; things can get heated, and they may only instigate unwanted feelings towards you even if they only mean you well. A relationship should only between two people and when such relationship ends, only the people involved in that relationship can truly understand what happened. Don’t make matters worse by involving another person.
3. Look beyond the words in your phone screen
If you know that your ex has a bad habit of accusing you of things or telling you nasty things, then take step back, check yourself and look at the message beyond the words on your cellphone.
4. Maintain perspective.
Don’t let your ex’s bad words rattle you. Do not engage in his or her attacks and rationalize the reasons behind the nasty words. Remember who you really are, not for who they claim you to be. Do not allow your ex to criticize you or blame you for anything. Draw and enforce strong boundaries.
5. Remind yourself that whatever your ex says no longer matters to you
If what your ex says are personal and does not really help the situation, convince yourself that he or she may be saying it only because of anger, or because of loneliness. Venting out to you may be an outlet of a suppressed emotion so, whatever the context in the texts is, it does not matter because it should not affect you.
6. See if you can hire a parenting coordinator
Parenting coordinators are trained professionals who focuses on helping co-parents manage their parenting arrangement, improve communication, and resolve disputes.
The role of a parenting coordinator may vary based on what the family needs or what the Virginia family court may require.
If you have children, what’s important to remember is that a parent coordinator is focused on making the right decisions for them because it is in their best interest.
Even though you think your situation is facing difficult challenges at this time, there are many ways to structure healthy and productive communication with your ex without threats, shouting, bullying, or psychological warfare. When you decide to communicate with an ex, always remember that you are in control. You have the right and the power to do what is best for you.
If your ex is harassing you in any form, you can contact Virginia Attorney Tori Bramble to help you and present to you what your legal options are. Contact us at (540) 628-7340 or visit our website at www.bramblelawfirm.com today.